Parental alienation is one of those issues that can quietly derail a case before anyone realises what’s happening.

And by the time it’s picked up properly, the damage is often already done.

I see it more often than I’d like.

Not because the law doesn’t provide a framework to deal with it.

But because that framework isn’t always being followed.

Let’s talk about that.

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What’s actually going wrong?

In December 2024, the Family Justice Council introduced guidance designed to bring clarity and structure to cases involving alienating behaviour.

On paper, it’s exactly what’s needed.

A clear, practical roadmap for dealing with situations where a child shows reluctance, resistance, or refusal to spend time with a parent.

But here’s the reality.

That guidance is not being applied consistently.

And when that happens, cases drift.

They get delayed.

They become more expensive.

And most importantly, children are left in limbo for longer than they should be.

Why this matters more than you might think

This isn’t just about legal process. It’s about real families. Real children.

Real relationships that can be damaged further with every unnecessary delay.

I will always say that family law is not just about legal outcomes.

It’s about people’s lives.

When the correct procedure isn’t followed from the start, the court often has to backtrack later.

That can mean:

• Additional hearings that didn’t need to happen
• Reallocation of the case
• Delays in decision-making
• Repeat assessments (including Section 7 reports)

All of which could have been avoided.

Procedure matters (more than people realise)

There is a flowchart in the 2024 guidance.

And it’s there for a reason.

One of the key points is this:

If there are credible allegations of alienating behaviour that meet the required elements, the case should be allocated to a Judge.

Not Magistrates.

That early decision is crucial.

Because when cases are allocated incorrectly at the start, everything that follows becomes harder.

Slower. And more complicated.

I’ve seen cases reach advanced stages, only for the court to realise that a fact-finding hearing should have taken place much earlier.

That’s not just frustrating.

It’s avoidable.

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If you’re making an allegation

Clarity is everything.

You need to set this out properly from the outset.

Be specific.

Explain clearly why you say alienating behaviour is taking place.

And link what you’re saying to the framework in the guidance.

This isn’t about using legal buzzwords.

It’s about helping the court understand, early on, what it is they’re dealing with.

Because if you get that right at the start, you reduce the risk of delay later.

If you’re responding to an allegation

This is where evidence becomes key.

It’s not enough to simply say “that’s not true.”

The court will need to understand why the allegation doesn’t meet the threshold.

And in many cases, there will be an overlap with domestic abuse.

That overlap must be handled carefully.

Because sometimes what is being labelled as alienation may, in fact, be a child responding to something very real.

This is why these cases require a thoughtful, evidence-based approach.

Not assumptions.

Let’s talk about the language shift

You may have noticed the move away from the term “parental alienation” towards “alienating behaviour.”

That’s not accidental.

And it’s not just semantics.

It shifts the focus back where it belongs.

On the child.

Not the label.

The real question is always this:

What is happening to the child as a result of this behaviour?

Is their reluctance rooted in influence or manipulation?

Or is there a genuine reason behind how they feel?

That’s what needs to be properly explored.

The issue with waiting too long

One of the biggest problems I see?

Key decisions being left too late.

Imagine preparing for months.

Working towards a final hearing.

Only for the court to then say:

“We need a fact-finding hearing.”

That means more delay.

More cost.

More emotional strain.

And more waiting for the child.

This is why early identification and proper handling of these issues is so important.

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A calm but honest takeaway

This is one of those areas where getting it right early makes all the difference.

Not just legally. But emotionally. Practically. And financially.

Follow the guidance.

Be clear from the outset.

And don’t leave important issues sitting in the background, hoping they’ll resolve themselves.

Because they rarely do.

Final thoughts

If you’re navigating this, please know this:

You’re not expected to have all the answers.

This is complex.

It’s emotional.

And at times, it can feel overwhelming.

But with the right approach, and the right support, it can be managed properly.

Without unnecessary delay.

Without things spiralling.

And with your child’s wellbeing kept firmly at the centre.

You might not expect to find a family law solicitor discussing love. After all, I don’t usually deal in wedding dresses or honeymoon hotspots. My world is about the quiet, often complex structures that underpin a life together and sometimes, how that life comes undone.

But here’s the thing. The most enduring love stories are built not just on passion and romance, but on understanding, communication and yes, practical planning.

As a solicitor specialising in family law in England and Wales, I’ve helped couples navigate prenuptial agreements, cohabitation agreements and the delicate realities of separation. What I’ve learned is this: the law isn’t the enemy of love. It’s one of its greatest allies.

Marriage and Myth-Busting

First, let’s tackle one of the biggest myths in modern relationships. The idea of the “common law marriage.” Despite widespread belief, there is no such thing in English law. If you're living together without marrying or entering a civil partnership, you don’t automatically gain legal rights over your partner’s property, pension, or inheritance.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for two years or twenty. If you want legal protection, you need to put it in writing. That’s where cohabitation agreements come into play. They may not sound romantic, but they can prevent a world of heartache down the line.

Prenups Aren’t Just for Celebrities

Another topic I find myself demystifying regularly is the law surrounding prenuptial agreements. Often seen as unromantic or only for the super-rich, “prenups” are actually about transparency and trust. They’re a way for couples to communicate openly about finances, responsibilities, and expectations before tying the knot.

In England and Wales, while prenups aren’t legally binding, courts are increasingly giving them significant weight, especially if they’re fair, signed well in advance of the wedding and both parties had independent legal advice.

Think of it as future proofing your relationship. It’s not a prediction of failure, but a sign of mutual respect.

Love and Legacy

One of the most overlooked elements in many relationships is estate planning. When we’re in love, it’s natural to focus on building a life together but what happens if tragedy strikes?

Making a will, discussing life insurance, or understanding how property ownership is structured (joint tenants vs tenants in common) might feel morbid, but they’re acts of love in themselves. They ensure your partner is protected and your wishes are clear.

When Love Gets Tough

No one enters a relationship planning for its end. But relationships change and people evolve. Sometimes that means parting ways. And while separation and divorce are emotionally fraught, they don’t have to be bitter or destructive.

As a family law solicitor, my role is to guide people through these transitions with compassion and clarity. Mediation, collaborative law and respectful negotiation can help couples separate in a way that honours the relationship they once had, which is especially important when children are involved.

Final Thoughts: The Law as a Love Language

Legal planning might not be the stuff of fairytales, but it’s a powerful way to nurture a partnership. At its core, it’s about honesty, care and protecting each other. Values that lie at the heart of any lasting love story.

So, whether you’re moving in together, walking down the aisle, or simply planning a shared future, don’t shy away from the legal conversations. Consider them part of your love language. Because true romance isn’t just about candlelit dinners and weekend getaways. It’s also about the quiet, considered decisions that help a relationship thrive for years to come.